Life In The South

Living Childfree: Infertility And My Health

My boyfriend and I are childfree. We both are infertile. And we are both very grateful for what we have. No, I’m not kidding or telling myself this. I really am happy that we aren’t having kids.

Being childfree and okay with infertility. How I am grateful for my health.

There are so many reasons why I’m grateful for my lifestyle. Not because I travel a lot or because I get to stay up late at night. My health is pretty important to me. If my body isn’t healthy enough to carry a baby, then I should stay grateful for what I can do. I got diagnosed with endometriosis last year. Oh the pain! When I got laparoscopic surgery to remove all of my benign cysts, oh the gas! Oh, the gas. Ugh. I still haven’t lost the 15 lbs I gained after surgery. My doctor told me my right fallopian tube is bent. He said there was no way that I could ever have my own children.  And I am completely okay with it. I stay focused on my health. I do yoga and pilates and I’m a vegetarian. So yeah, pretty healthy.

Family History

My mom is a breast cancer survivor with a pretty severe case of epilepsy. When my parents got divorced I kind of became her caregiver when needed. I was a primary caregiver for a couple of years and it was tough. My brother died of testicular cancer.  I could go on and on about my family history but you can see why I’m just grateful I have my overall health. Being infertile is part of my healthy body. Yep. It is. I don’t see my inability to conceive a flaw because it’s not a flaw. It’s part of who I am.

Women and men who choose not to become parents have so many different reasons to do so. I’m the 4th generation of women in my family to live a life without kids. I grew up with strong women who chose what was best for them. Getting pregnant seems like the next logical step in relationships after marriage or commitment ceremonies and I’m so glad I was able to see alternative lifestyle choices. I didn’t even think about having kids in my 20’s. I was never planning on having a large family. I honestly only expected to get pregnant once. So I can honestly say even with my infertility, I was always leaning towards not being a mom.

I still ask engaged couples if they are going to have children and then I explain to them that not having kids was the best thing for my family. I love being around kids. My two dogs are great around small children. My boyfriend and I just didn’t want to change our family dynamic beyond having dogs.

The Childfree Community

I don’t like all of society’s views on “childless by choice” women. Some women who have decided to not have children can’t find a doctor who will do a tubal ligation for them. Why? Doctors are afraid women might change their mind. Don’t you think if a woman is asking for a serious surgery they have their minds made up about their future?

I don’t want or need sympathy for my infertility.  I’m extremely sympathetic to families who share my condition but really want their own child. I can’t imagine what they’re going through. I wish I could tell them I think they’re complete but I don’t. I just wish them the best for what’s right for their family.

I’m a complete woman without kids. Bringing a baby into a world may complete your family but all women are complete women without kids.

I’m not afraid of who is going to take care of me when I’m old. I would rather live in a retirement center with my peers than a family that’s 30 years younger than me. I want a sense of community in my later years.

I enjoy spending time with kids. I don’t think crying babies are horrible. I feel like most kids are good kids. Sometimes I may not understand why every kid gets a trophy but I don’t think I’m alone there.

Life without kids does NOT mean I’m selfish. at.all. This one is my pet peeve. I don’t need to do anything to prove I’m not selfish just because I don’t have kids. This is ridiculous. Women agree with this perspective. I’m a vegetarian. I have no kids. My lifestyle proves I care about the planet. And I’m not perfect but a big flaw of mine is sacrificing too much for others-not being selfish enough in my own life.

Now that you’ve read why I’m grateful for my own health, I hope you can see that we’re all complete when we allow ourselves to be who we really are-not what society is expecting of families.

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